Discovering: Polytechnic - 'Running Out Of Ideas'

Bad: famished, yet without appetite.

Worse: bored and restless, yet too tired to even think straight.

Worst: ideas bubbling and emotions whirling within, yet unable to translate them to words.

Discovering: Sheila - 'Bang Bang'

I could bloody murder those American School brats.

Every single fucking one of them and their innate sense of entitlement, as if the rest of the world owes them shit.

"But I want to play some more!"

I want, I want, I want.

What you need is a howlin' good spanking.

And fucking learn the meaning of NO, why don't you.

Discovering: Godspeed You! Black Emperor - 'Providence'

Should I or should I not?

I don't dare to choose, because I know - I'm dead certain, would bet, nevermind my last penny, my life on it - that whatever it is I've chosen, it will be the wrong choice, and I'll regret it so badly I want to kick my own ass.

Is it better to regret the things you've not done, or the things you have?

Discovering: New Sense - 'Chase The Night'

Don't you just hate it when there's that something - however nugatory, however faint - that you clearly feel and/or unambiguously understand, and desperately need to express it, explain it ... but, for the life of you, cannot?

I know I do - I really do.

Looping: Alan Parsons Project - 'Don't Answer Me'

I wonder why before (and/or after) a storm, the sky would be tinged with a sulfuric yellow, coloring the world ominously, painting a picture of impending apocalypse.

For a number of unknown reasons, such a sky fascinates me, and I can spend a long time staring out the window staring at it - even if morbidly so.

It's only past seven in the morning, but already Armageddon looks set to descend on the world.

Looping: Stefanie Sun - 'Tian Hei Hei'

Traveling on the highway, the dark heavy clouds - not “concrete-colored sky”; bluer: a slate-blue - look especially low, bearing down, like a bully, on this island.

Suddenly, I think about a great flood drowning this land and washing its inhabitants off to the four corners of the Earth - I hope to get swept away to Welly.

Enjoying: Enon - 'Conjugate The Verbs'

According to Mr. P., we each have our own writing style; and, apparently, each of us are particularly good at certain things.

Geeta, for example, is good at sex scenes, and Sajitha, dialogues. Me, I'm allegedly good at descriptions.

Which is such a scream to me, because I've never been able to describe how I feel, or what I see and think.

Ever.

Enjoying: Fat Freddy's Drop - 'Ernie'

A new Level 6-er clung to my fingers today as I brought him into the play-area and introduce him to Sara's regulars; and, as I encouraged him to warm up on our set-ups, he listened to me when I told him to try them out on his own but still reached out for me when I let go - even though I would have been as unfamiliar to him as everybody else and everything around him.

I didn't really think about it then, but now, it seems like a humbling and stirring experience.

Enjoying: Pakeezah OST - 'Chalo Dildar Chalo'

The most interesting that has happened this Sunday yet is ... uh, well, I found a bit of corn chip in my bellybutton.

And, yesterday, I learned I should: one, take the advice of my horoscope to find a new job because, two, the politics at the play center seems to be heading for an eruption.

Discovering: Isabelle Adjani - 'Je t'aime Idiot'

I may arrive at work to find Jessica already flown home.

I have a few options if that should really happen: one, quit; two, take a breather (and screw everyone at the work place); three, quit; four, get some body art or modification done; and, five, run away and quit.

The only thing stopping me from quitting is the hassle of thinking up and finding a new job.

It's time I pick up that bottle of Glenfiddich I've craved.

Enjoying: The Cure - 'Lullaby'

Why is it that I'm so much more tired on my day off?

The only productive thing I've done today is to write up the Maidu story of Death - and it's only 500 words.

I've already nodded off ... I'm still nodding off.

It seems to be such a chore to just be alive, to exist.

Discovering: Rose Polenzani - 'You Don't Know'

She stood under the shelter of the bus stop, staring glumly out at the rain. It looked like it'd never let up.

As the teenaged boy in uniform took out his foldable brolly from his bag, as he shook it open, he glanced towards her from time to time.

Maybe he would've offered to share his brolly, but she didn't allow herself to look at him ... maybe because she didn't want to find out she was right.

Enjoying: Emmanuelle Seigner - 'Suis Moi'

The notebook laid open on my lap, the pencil in my hand forgotten as I got lost staring out the window as the bus sped across the highway. My tired eyes saw everything as indistinct smudges of color.

It was one of those bus rides with sceneries that could almost make you forget you were in Singapore.

Almost.

Looping: K's Choice - 'I'm Not An Addict'

I know it's dumb that I compulsively and obsessively read the daily horoscopes every morning before leaving for work; I know. But it's like sorta like carrying a foldable brolly around or buying insurance - it's a precaution.

The best precaution I can take today is to stay home.

"Hello, Priya? I'm not coming in today. Why? Oh, 'cause my stars say so - not a good day to be out."

Enjoying: Letting Up Despite Great Faults - 'Disasters Are Okay'

I had three straight classes today, covering for Sara. After all that, I had Rita being In. My. Face.

Some Mondays I smile only because I remember the sweet darling who, when I had complained about Monday blues, promised to buy all the Mondays of the world so Sundays would be twice as long.

Mondays - you just need something ridiculous and sweet enough to get through.

Looping: Massive Attack - 'Karmacoma'

A trip-hoppy day - a lot of dark, moody music, heavy on the beats, please.

It's really great music for a dark, rainy day ... so the sun and weather have just obliged, and storm clouds rise to the occassion.

The volume's up, and I'm sinking low.

Mmm.

Discovering: Letting Up Despite Great Faults - 'Maybe I'll Hide With You'

Did the chips and couch-potato thing yesterday, topping the day off with Nine Emotions. Shot by Santosh Sivan - which surprised me a bit - the same guy who had done a number of big-budget Bollywood flicks like Asoka, Bride and Prejudice, Dil Se, Fiza and Meenaxi: A Tale of Three Cities.

But, in my uneducated opinion, Nine Emotions was a film that could've been so much more.

Looping: eels - 'Last Stop: This Town'

I boarded a bus I've never taken before today and I'm very glad I did. I've found another way to go home - and a more scenic route, at that - and a change.

If this is gonna be my last stop, I'm gonna need all the scenic routes I can find - because it's just so dull here.

I'm gonna fly on down for the last stop to this town / I'm gonna fly on down and fly away on my way ...

Chilling To: Múm - 'Weeping Rock, Rock'

Mr. P. kinda assigned me some research today. I've abandoned my Shankar write-up for researching the myths and legends of France and Spain (and, possibly, Russia).

I'm excited even though I've been up since 05:50 this dawn.

Yup, I lurve me some research - and how I've been missing it.

Chilling To: Flunk - 'Blue Monday' (New Order cover)

This morning, I climbed to the upper deck of the bus. It was gray outside along Orchard Boulevard, I looked through rain-splattered windows; inside, the air-conditioning was freezing.

But I thought I'd never want to alight from the bus.

Looping: Mountain Goats - 'Love Love Love'

Woke up with this song in my head.

Not the first time it happens, so I know it sometimes means something; there's gotta be a reason why you suddenly hear a song in your mind out of the blue.

Maybe it's 'cuz

some moments last forever
and some flare out with love love love

Discovering: Anima Sound System - 'More Fire'

Sundays always seem to pass so fast. Maybe it's 'cuz the one day of the week I spend the most time watching the telly. This Sunday, at least, I managed to put away half a Jonathan Keller thriller.

I prefer my Friday rest days to my Sunday ones, but I get less anxiety - comparatively - at the end of my Sunday rest than my Friday ones.

Maybe I need a new life - or a new way of living.

Chilling To: Massive Attack - 'Better Things'

This morning, a coach filled with uniformed military (or police) personnel pulled up beside the bus I was in, and then away.

I glanced out my window, in the back row of the bus, at the occupants of the coach, but every single one was either asleep or staring straight ahead - all except the one in the back row.

He was looking at occupants in my bus, then he saw me looking at him looking at me.

The look I gave him begged, Please get me out of this.

Sinking To: Múm - 'Nightly Cares'

I don't know which is making me feel the way I feel - my job (that one), my constant tiredness, or PMS.

Maybe it's a combination of all three.

Boy, am I fucked or am I fucked.

Enjoying: La Traviata - 'Follie! ... Follie!'

Lunch was on WJ.

He's one of those people with whom I guess I'll never feel completely comfortable, but enjoy talking to.

At the end of our meeting, I told him my plans to try and misdirect Mr. P.'s open analysis of people (well - of me, specifically), but WJ said, "Then you're playing into his game."

Gaaah. Die if I do; die if I don't.

Mind. Fuck.

Discovering: Souvenir - 'Cherchez La Femme'

Add one Priya to the snake pit, and I feel like a slow-witted bunny in there.

Gotta watch my steps, gotta watch my words.

Can't wait for Jessica to return.

Discovering: Minuit - 'Menace'

When Lynn had remarked, in surprise, to Mr. P., "You are very observant", it clicked for me.

I've been wary and guarded with my words around him not because he's untrustworthy or manipulative, but because he's openly observant and will tell you what he's observed of you.

I mustn't have liked the reflection of myself in the mirror that he presents, and/or I don't want to ever face it.

Enjoying: The Fiery Furnaces - 'I'm In No Mood'

I really don't wanna go to work today - or this entire week, for that matter.

Jessica's flown back home for the week, and I'm all 'alone' at the center, with Lea, Mira, and Sara. I don't know why, but the phrase snake pit keeps popping into my head.

Enjoying: My Bloody Valentine - 'Lose My Breath'

Days off are meant for sleeping in, right? But sleeping in means I cheat myself of that couple of hours during which I could've done some more productive.

What's a girl to do, exactly?

I always feel like my Sundays off are stolen right under my nose; always so many things to do, always not enough hours to do them all and rest.

Looping: Bjork - 'Play Dead'

How good a day will it be when you're looping a song such as 'Play Dead' early in the morning?